Blah and WHINE.

 I'm still sick from last week. Not really cold sick anymore, just feeling run down in general- tired and mopey.  My ears feel all weird, and so I obviously worry about losing my hearing (like a maniac). The ear issue gives me equilibrium issues, and so I am in a state of "gonna hurl" that just won't leave me be. 

I think the answer is clear. I am going to go back to bed, sleep the wah wah wahs off and wake up feeling better. I'll go to the store, buy some healthy food, plan out my lunches and dinners....maybe go for a run or something. And the whole time I'm doing that stuff, I'll be all givin' myself positive affirmations like Stuart Smalley.

Yesterday's nap (plus waking up feeling better) had me hoping I was on my way to being done with this cold. Not so, my friends. My face hurts. It is full of snot. You can say, "Gross," but you know what I'm talking about.

I am going to buy a humidifier and hope that it helps. My Nyquil haze lasts all day and I'm ready to be present in the world again. I have an exciting life! Why, just last night Jessica and Jenny came over to hang out at my place. They deemed it "very Vanessa," and "super cute." So you see, I have a lot to be well for, like lounging in my casa, buying things for my casa, leaving my casa and then coming back to my casa.....I wanted to have a yard sale, but that turned out not to work. Let's make a list of the things this cold has changed:

BAD STUFF:
Face hurts/full of snot
Achy bod
Worried about waking up with snot on my face in front of Trevor

GOOD STUFF:
I don't have to work a full day until Sunday, so I have time to get well
Trevor offered to get me a small bowl of ice cream at 6:30am because I was feeling so yucky
Nyquil dreams give me something to think about all day (weird stuff)

Anyway, enough about that- let's look at some stuff by Mary Blair. I love it.

If I ever decorate a child's room, it will have some Mary Blair flair.

I made stew for dinner last night. It was stupid. I mean, I have made delicious stew before, and this was not that. I don't know what happened. It had carrots, zuchini, celery, potatoes, green beans, beef.....I just don't know what happened. It was bland, but seasoning was not helping. I kind of just ate it because I was hungry, and then filled up on the last of my birthday cake about an hour later.

Maybe if I only buy what's in season, it will be more delicious. Let's see. It's fall, so like......gourds? Are gourds of all types in season? I will eat raw pumpkin. It's good for the immune system, I hear. Also whitens your teeth!

I'm lying. I'm also off to go find something delicious to cook for dinner.

Rainy Rainy Rainy

I just cleaned up the last of the party stuff out back. It started raining on Monday and REALLY rained this morning, so things are pretty soggy. The cat hung out with me while I tidied up, which is funny because it was still raining. When we got back to the front door, he meowed really pitifully to be let in, as if he was forced to be out in the rain. Dum dum.

I'm feeling a little sick today- a tad sore throaty. My ears are bothering me, too. You know what's okay about that, though? I don't have to do anything today. I only work 3.5 days a week. Lucky girl.

Can't wait to get some rainboots...

29

It was my birthday! I turned 29. I don't want to seem predictable, but I was kind of a basket case for a few days before the actual day. I kept apologizing to Trevor and then turning around and being nuts again. I think I wanted everything in order before I plunged into a new age, but the problem was I didn't really know what was out of order. Just a lot of, "I thought I'd be doing this and having that when I turned 29." When October 3rd showed up, though, all of my crazies seemed like they were gone. I mean, the turning 29 crazies. The crazies that want me to eat 8 bowls of Count Chocula right now are still there.

Since my birthday fell on a Monday, we celebrated on Saturday, the 1st. That's a tricky way of saying I got TWO special days. I woke up on my birthday party morning to a knock on the bedroom door. Shea was there with a basket of rose petals, which she sprinkled at my feet everywhere I walked. Way funny and cute. She made a path that led to the bathroom, where she and Trevor had set up a candle lit bubble bath for me. Oh. My. Goodness. I hadn't taken a bubble bath in about 15 or 20 years! 

   When I was done soaking, I emerged into the living room to find they had set up quite a spread. Trevor made pancakes with toffee bits covered in ICE CREAM. I enjoyed these while relaxing in the living room hammock watching videos of Dave Matthews being projected onto the wall AND having a mimosa. My day could have ended there and still been amazing- but NO!

    After a while, we all got in the car. We dropped Shea off with her grandma, then headed north. I had no clue where we were going. We ended up in Saratoga, at the Preston Wynne Spa. Trevor surprised me with 2.5 hours of being COMPLETELY pampered. Massage, facial, quiet.... I think I fell in and out of sleep about 20 times throughout it all. So wonderful. They know what they are doing. There is not one uncomfortable moment even though you're pretty much naked on a table in front of a stranger. My two therapists were Amber and Laura. They don't know it, but I'm going to dedicate my first country album to them. They changed my life.

Anyway!


Trevor picked me up at the end of my ...... I don't even know what to call it. There might not be words wonderful enough. "Time at the spa," does not cover it at all. So anyway, he picked me up. In my car. Which had a brand new stereo in it. Crazy! He had had it installed while I was getting my rub down. It has iPod and Bluetooth capabilities. I feel so fancy driving down the street knowing all the stereo power I hold. Made me think, "Boy- I'd better go get this car a tune up or something. I want to keep it around." 

Man- it sounds like I'm just bragging. The truth is, I was overwhelmed. It was a beautiful day. And remember how I said that I had been freaking out? Well, I wigged out that morning. In fact, my waking up to the rose petals was after I had gone back to bed for a re-do on the waking up. Trevor must really like me. I was awful before that. I can't thank my lucky stars enough for that man.

   When we got home from my birthday surprise, we started getting ready for the party. SOOO many wonderful people were there. I felt special. I felt loved. I felt less spazzy about the 29 thing. We laughed, talked, ate, played games.....at the end of the evening, Trevor put Wayne's World on the big screen out back, and we sat under the stars watching it (plus some episodes of The Simpsons). What a perfect day.

BFFs. Some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Priscilla came all the way up from LA to come to my party, and Jess and Adam took a night away from their small human to come. Love them.

Birthday cake

Cutie pies. Shea and my cousin, Azriel. Both six, both in first grade, both awesome.

Watching some flicks to end the night.

Happy birthday to me!

All pictures taken by Priscilla and my Margie Mother.

Money

I work on Sundays. In the morning, I walk over to the Greyhound Station (that's right- I work next door to the Greyhound Station) and purchase myself a newspaper. Throughout the day I read most of the sections..... but I like to save one part for when I can really sink my teeth into it. That part:

The ads.

I love to clip coupons. Sometimes I use them, sometimes they expire before I get to the store. Whatev. I feel like I'm doing myself a huge favor by cutting them out, or even knowing about the good deals out there. 

The point is this- Last night, I went to Walgreen's with my coupons and a plan. I bought 2 bottles of Windex, 1 bottle of Shout, Pantene shampoo AND conditioner, 6 bars of Irish Spring, 3 cans of tomato sauce and 3 small bottles of Palmolive for $26.74. It would have been less if I hadn't also thrown in a 2 liter of Coke. Anyway, the bill without coupons would have been $44.16. I'm feeling pretty good. 

(I know that some people manage to pay like $4.32 for all of that stuff....but I'm still happy with it).

And just for good measure, here is a picture of Shea as we left Spaghetti Factory a few weeks ago. She was saying, "I have no body! I can't walk! I'm just a head!"

Have a great day.

September 23rd

Dear Uncle Sam,


It has been one year and 2 days since I have talked to you.I don't know how it has been both the slowest and fastest year ever, but it has. 

Everybody misses you. We talk about you all the time. I know you wouldn't want us to sit around crying whenever your name is mentioned, so I try to keep it light. Some days, though....Man. I have to walk away and try to remember how it felt when I didn't know that you were gone. I guess that there are people in your life that take up space in your heart/mind, whether you are actively thinking of them or not. Heart expanders- they clear a spot in your being and make you who you are. They live there as space holders, stretching your capacity to love and respect and learn from someone. All of the other space holders build up around them as life goes on. You were one of the first people I ever loved. Family. Nobody else can understand like family can, or teach like family can. So there you are, at the center of my heart, with my mom and my dad, Nancye, Bev, Grandma Mary and my aunts and uncles and cousins. 

I would have thought that everything would crumble in if your space wasn't filled with a living, breathing, laughing you. What I didn't understand until now is that all of those other space holders keep the structure sound when one of the key pieces is gone. Your place in my life is more defined than ever. Your spot in my heart is always there. I wish I could tell you all of this to your face.

My fear is that I will forget how your voice sounds, but I guess that is normal. I'm worried that when we get together as a family tomorrow, I will REALLY miss you and not be able to keep it together. I am worried that you will be made into something other than you were. I wonder if stories will be embellished to leave out the real and quiet ways you affected all of us, and will turn you into some motorcycle badass who was always chugging Crown instead of the uncle who let me braid his hair.

My mom would want to be included in this letter. She would want me to tell you that she loves you and misses you more than she can explain. You were also one of the first people she loved. 

I wonder how the next year will be- I wonder how many things will happen that I wish I could tell you about. I miss you a ton. Hope you know how much you are loved.


Love,
Vanessa

Recent things

 Still over the moon about Trevortito.

Went to watch Trevor play baseball. His team has one game left- the CHAMPIONSHIP GAME. Go Indians!

Lemonade stand.

 We are dogsitting for five days. Meet Mugsy. Notice the background. Can you feel the tension?

I have also been spending time with Erin and Josh's little nugget of humanity. 

 
And that is all until I have time to tell you some more! Xo

From a while ago, I think.

There. If you want to know what I'm listening to right now, you got it! Good ol' Johnny Cash. 

Getting ready for a day at The Caravan.... yesterday was an odd one. Sometimes, people get touchy and angry...alcohol IS a depressant, after all. 

Last Meal

Alright- McDonald's for lunch then NO MORE! 

But goodness, do I love the taste.