Russian River

A trip to the Russian River brewing company-

We started out early from good ol' San Jose, and drove a couple hours north to this brewery that Trevor's friend Todd suggested. It was way crowded, but we managed to snag a table out front while we waited and sipped on some Belgian sour beers. This all happened in like August, by the way. We played some games of rummy and listened to the really loud group of guy friends next to us who thought that any joke about being gay was REALLY funny. It was REALLY not funny. 

A leather jacket clad pompadour rolled up on his low rider bicycle soon after and parked near where another patio customer had tethered their dog. The bike had a boombox tied to it. We were treated to the sounds of oldies intermingled with the conversation of the loud guys and whatever was playing on the speakers overhead from the brewery. Summertime magic.

The buzzer buzzed- table time! You know how that goes. Inside, we were seated at a table next to the bar. The whole place was packed. We ordered a sampler of like 16 tiny beers to try and an appetizer of veggies and dips and whatnot. It was divine. I discovered that I really do not like many beers. Sour ales, delicious. IPA- nope.

After our meal, we dipped into the bookstore across the street. I found a book about how to be a cool step parent, but then I tried to put it down all quick so Trevor wouldn't see me read it. Don't ask why. I couldn't tell you. It's like when you ask a 7 year old why they don't want strawberries (which they love!) in their lunch- there is just no real reason that I did not want my boyfriend to see me looking at the book. Besides, from what I gleaned, I'm on the right track anyhow. Most step parent advice is like: "Don't try to be mom!" (no doy) and, "Don't discipline!" (who wants to anyway?) and, "Teach the kids how to give you really great back rubs!" (Shea allllllready knows).

Armed with our books, we asked directions to the sweetest and most chill place to enjoy the Russian River while we read. This is what we found:

We unfolded our double camping chair (think portable love seat) and read until the sun was almost down. Then we drove home. 

Sweet day trips. 

Me Me Me Me Me Me

I'm nearly 30, you guys. How did this go by so quickly? I feel like I was just sitting in a car in the parking lot of Chevy's with my boyfriend, telling him that 29 was FREAKING ME OUT and that I "needed" to know what was in store for myself- would I have babies? Would I be successful? Were my millions on their way? Will I lose the ability to forget myself every once in a while and just be free and fun??

I am happy to report that, although 29 was difficult in so many ways, it was also THE BEST. I am me- and I am amazing. I do well. I have a job, I have a home, I have love. I am so pleased with myself these days, and here is why: 

I have let go. I have stopped worrying over things that are not my own. It is astounding how paramount that was to my health! Literally, my body was not functioning properly due to stress. I said, "Forget this!" I started running. I went to see my favorite band. I made lunch and dinner and sitting around plans with friends. I went to Palm Springs with my girlfriends. I refinished a dresser that has been staring at me for almost a year. I went to see a movie alone. I bought new shoes. I make sure my boyfriend knows how happy he makes me. I grocery shop. I eat more fruits and vegetables. I have lost 5 lbs!

My plans are big. I want to get some sort of degree. I want to write a book. I want to listen to more new music. I want to paint and I want to play my guitar and sing. I want to save money and have a little nest egg. I want to be a good partner. I want to travel.

I'm gonna do all that stuff.

I have to remember that I can't succeed for someone else.....they have to succeed on their own.

Life gets hard.

I think I'm scared. 

 I have this anxiety hanging over me that has me by the roller coaster nerves (the ones that spike right before you get on California Screamin' or whatever). Do I feel like I'm in for a roller coaster ride? Maybe, I guess. I just don't know! Maybe I have it so good that I feel like the world has to crumble a little to make me pay for it. I just feel like I don't do ENOUGH to deserve what I have.


What can I do? Why am I a little bit terrified? Ugh. I must be nuts.

 

I have been sleeping like crud lately. I am happy to announce, however, that I SLEPT FOR 10 HOURS LAST NIGHT! 

I feel amazing! I could do ANYTHING! 

Sweet relief...maybe my face will stop looking like I haven't slept in 13 years. This is a huge deal, you guys. 

P.S. I ran out of my soap and used Trevor's. I probably smell like a man. 

May 27

Trevor met me after work yesterday. We walked past the convention center where there were tons of kids and 20 somethings in costume for FanimeCon. You know, the fanime convention? We ate ears of street vendor corn and watched the parade of props, fake ears and blue wigs pass by. We walked down South First Street and knocked on the back door of Gallery AD. Brian (one of the owners) came to greet us. We watched the latest art being installed and talked about the upcoming SubZero festival. 

Trevor and I wandered to Original Joe's and waited for a table while tending to a couple of drinks. The waiter was nice, but never brought us the free ice cream that he had promised due to our steak being more medium rare than medium well (he noticed, we said not a word). 

The breeze was colder when we walked back to The Caravan, and there were less fanime costumes out to look at. We stepped inside the bar for a moment...we left as Angel was settling a dispute about the order of the waiting list for the pool table. I hopped into Swamp Thing, our new (old) 1975 Dodge truck with Trevor, and he drove me about 15 yards to my own car, where I hopped in and drove myself to Campbell.

We met at home. We watched a movie. I was treated to a back rub. We went to bed, happy. Maybe holding hands. Maybe that part was in the morning? Can't be sure.

It was a wonderful evening.

A thing we do:

We (Trevor, Shea and I) had a Family Appreciation Night on Wednesday. We made a list of what we consider valuable in our household. Things that we lean on and depend on, as well as extras that make our family special. 

I am happy to report that honesty was on every single list. Yesssss. We're all agreed that telling the truth is the supreme best thing you can do. Might not be able to teach that to the rest of the world, but at least we know that Shea gets it! The lists:

Honesty

Respect

Trying your hardest

Reading together

Being proud of each other

Being nice

Accuracy (that one was Shea's, and is kind of funny)
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Also, here is a link you may have seen on Pinterest. I re-read it every so often, and maybe you would like to read it, too.

15 Things You Should Give Up In Order To Be Happy 
 

Monday

Words I will probably never use in a serious capacity:

Fashionista
Foodie
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi. How's your day going? Today went like this: Woke up at 7. Laundry, tidying, dog snuggling.

Got to work at 10. Didn't sell a thing until 11 or so. Swept the floor in the break room, disinfected the door handle. Ate. Hung out with people. Asked someone to leave due to very loud singing. He was not happy. I was not happy with his singing.

Got home at 6:15. Went with Trevor to his mama's house real quick, then to Fry's to look at computers. Then to Staples to compare. I tripped on the way in. I kicked a raised part of the sidewalk so hard that it jarred my leg and back, and now my hip hurts and I feel silly. 

Went back to Fry's. Raised my budget. Looked at computers again. Got one! And a printer! Yahoo!

Went to Red Robin for dinner. I took my new computer into the restaurant with us because I did not want to get it stolen from the car. Received free meal + $20 gift card due to terrible service at RR....we'll be going back. They did everything right (after messing up to begin with). 

Came home. Snuggled Harvey. Snuggled Maybe. Opened new computer. Commenced internetting. Watched 30 Rock on Hulu. And here. I. Am. 

Goodnight.

The Perfect Evening

Yesterday: Woke up, hung out with love of my life while he got ready for work. Laughed. Lived in my happy bubble for about an hour. After he went to work, I got into some reading material that hurt my heart in a very personal way. Became bummed out. 

(I KNEW what I was reading would hurt me. Still deciding if I should ever read anything sent by this person again)

Had lunch, talked with Jess. Felt way better. I love Jessica. She is one of the best people on the planet. If you know her, you're lucky.I talk her ear off about the same thing over and over, and she lets me jabber on anyway. She is the best. 

Went to Stratford for Drama Club. Trevor and I run a performance workshop for 1st-5th graders. His idea/brain baby, but I assist in any way I can. I found Mad Lib-style children's scripts. The kids filled out the words to classic stories, then picked a puppet. Trevor and I read the scripts out loud and did all of the different voices while the children performed onstage in the puppet theater. The parents were laughing, the kids had a GREAT time. My favorite mad lib line? From Little ________ Riding Hood:

"Oh no! Mr. Penguin! Are you sick in bed with diabetes?"

After drama, went home to meet up with Trevor and Shea. Shea was excited about her new biker shorts she wore for dance. I used to get pretty excited about biker shorts when I was 7, also- except mine were neon pink. I wore them with my L.A. Gears. 

We went out to dinner with our roommates. Everyone was hurling math facts at Shea because her homework was to practice her math facts any way you want. That's pretty fun homework. We all quizzed her, then Trevor found a math app on his iPhone for Shea to play, THEN she and Trevor sang math facts while she was in the tub and THEN we made cards with multiplication problems on them to hang above her bed. Way more fun than a fact sheet, so way to go, school! They also never give first graders more than 20 minutes of homework per night. So awesome. 

After bath, a cartoon and some reading, Shea went to bed and Trevor and I got to lay around talking. It was a good day. The perfect day for me, anyway. It was exactly what I needed. It dawned on me that I will not love any less than I do right now, ever in my life. 

My role is an odd one, but many women make it work...Women who love men who are divorced, or have children with other people. Someone has tried to use my love against me- as if Trevor does not love his children as much simply because I also love them now. Love does not work that way. I am allowed to express the way I care about family, even if someone I would have never chosen to know has an opinion about that. I will continue to pack lunches and brush hair and let Shea know that I love her so much. My love will never hurt her.

5 months

On October 3rd, I will be 30 years old. I have decided to also be in the healthiest of my life. Strong! Fast! Full of energy! This is exciting. My first plan of action is to buy some running shoes this week. And a yoga mat. And a DVD that shows me how to do some yoga.

Here is a picture of my dog and his best friend, Rita.