Please don't go

I'm sure in a mood. I don't know what did it. Maybe its night time with no love in sight. Is that too dramatic? It exists for me (love), so don't worry. I've just become melancholy.

Maybe I've become heavy headed because I am resigning myself to something I have no desire to leave my heart to? More on that later.

I went to one of my favorite places last night...I think that, at this point, its okay to tell you all that its my favorite because I met Dave there several years ago. No, we didn't become friends, but when he says, "Its so good to be in the building," a few times a night, I can't help but hope he remembers a younger girl asking for a picture with him. The way he said, "I'd love to," was so convincing, but I also sensed a disappointment that I took such an unoriginal route. I stared, wondering how that glitter got on his cheek, until I realized it was the light shining on his whiskers. Then I realized that I had been staring at the man from less than a foot away. Sheesh. Did you know that we were around each other for hours that night, and I was too shy to talk with him? Things would be different now, though there would be tons of blushing on my end. I can't help it. I blush when I talk. I will tell you that I will never run away from his hand on my arm ever again.

Oh, the set. It was beautiful. Last Stop opener. I took a friend who had never been, and I told her, "This is a flip your shit kind of moment." She was overwhelmed with the enthusiasm. She loved it. It was quite a jammy show with Jimi Thing, #41, Crush and Seek Up all in the mix, and Kavita was surprised when she went pee and came back all to the tune of one song. Lucky girl! Not many experience that sort of thing. Or something? 

My highlights were every single song, plus making up (from the people on stage) a list, in order, of who we would like to......take to dinner. Kavita and I have the same list. I didn't get mad. Friends share number ones.

There seemed to be a lot of magic working in my favor. Our seats were on the verrrrry very stage leftermost aisle, but there were two open seats almost on the inside aisle that we moved into. We were about 10th row, right in my sweet spot. Being front row has its perks, but loving the band feels just as good from 10th row. Felt even better last night, actually. Gosh, I love that man...I mean BAND. I love the BAND. The whole thing, with Dave at the number one top of my onstage dinner list.

Stay or Leave did it again. So beautiful. How was Dave's voice even better last night? It sounded perfect. Just great. Oh my gosh, I love that song. I love that, because of my lucky experiences, I relate lines in songs not to my experiences outside the band, but to whatever I've had while I'm at a show. It becomes a self contained reality, but it is so real. Dave reminds me of no one but Dave. I suspect it will always stay that way. I am so lucky. There was no growly bear voice this time...I noticed. "Remember we used to dance, and everyone wanted to be you and me? I want to be too...What day is this, besides the day you left me?" Makes one want to weep.

The good thing about 10th row is that it seems like all you want to happen is happening, and you're far enough away to be convinced you're right. 

The two guys next to me were pumped city about the set, but didn't seem to realize that the band released an album in 2009. After Time Bomb, he turned to me and said, "WHAT was that?!?!" He was so excited. I told him about the album. His friend kept betting me $25,000 that he knew what song was next, and I should have taken him up on it since they didn't even know Big Whiskey existed. I could have made a killing and been able to get to the Gorge.

Did I tell you my car broke twice and I spent $400 I don't have on it? I did. Life is rough sometimes, but it could be rougher. 

This show will be my last for 2 years. I WANT anyone who needs time off to have time off, I just don't want them to forget us. I'm not worried that they won't come back, I just want them to remember. I'm so sad that I can't for sure be where I want to be this summer. It's my own fault, or so I've been told.This may seem melodramatic to some, and some may tell me that when I have my own family, this band won't matter as much, but in true Vanessa fashion, I won't believe that until I learn it for myself. Because that just seems nuts.


I don't want them to go. I never want anyone I love to be gone for too long, because I'm here, and you'll be there, and that isn't close enough. 

Marysville

Marysville, August 27:


The morning of the show, I drove over to Sadie's and we embarked on our 3 hour drive to Marysville. The venue is in a field. You better fill up your gas tank before you turn onto the country roads. 

Anyway, what was to be a perfect day on the rail at dmb turned out to be...a perfect day on the rail at dmb. Front and center, right in front of Dave thanks to the efforts of my friends Amanda, Sadie and Brian. It was seriously none of my own doing. What good friends. I was out of luck on a ticket sale, and since money is tight, being out of luck isn't an option. So, as I was freaking out and selling my tickets in the lots for half price (ugh), my friends were making sure I would have a great show. I'm a lucky girl. 

Those black DMB bracelets were made for us by April, another dmb friend. The pink wrist bands say, "These ladies belong in the pit!"


Needless to say, standing 5 feet from the band has its perks. Dave Matthews in a plaid shirt, right in front of me, was worth the price of admission. 

As we were grooving like women to Seven, Stefan had some technical difficulties. We couldn't hear him for a while, and since he is crucial to the dmb sound I know and love, I missed him a lot for the 10 minutes he wasn't playing. If I had my poms with me, I would have said a cheer for him. Don't you know I made my millions on the cheer circuit?


Here are some photos:

Those were all taken with my phone. 

Some Devil was perfect. I almost filmed it, but then I stopped myself and said, "Vanessa. Don't be dumb. Stand here, take it in, you'll never forget the way this looked or sounded." So I took my own advice, and I'm happy about it. I'm actually streaming the show and listening to Some Devil right now. "'Cause what we had was so beautiful". 


There was no pushing in this pit, no one rushing the stage. Someone shared a piece of gum with me, even. That's actually pretty standard at a dmb show. If you're thirsty, someone will share their water. They share other stuff, too, but I'm not supposed to talk about that.


What I consider the highlight of the show was when Dave pointed out a fellow twitterer, and hard core dmb fan, during the show and thanked her for getting the band to play Write A Song. Very sweet. I seriously love being around that kind of goodness. When you're in the middle of a crowd that big, it's nice to know that at the middle of all of it is LoVE. 

Dave Matthews Band, Augo twentyfive.

I've loved Dave Matthews and his band for a while now. When the band walked onstage 3 nights ago, I was happy. A knee jerk reaction to the sight of them.

The band came out around 8:30. Dave wore his black button down uniform, Stefan was looking hunky in his hat. Tim wore one of his 5 shirts, and Boyd, Carter, Jeff and Rashawn all looked how they would look in my brain if you asked me to draw a picture of them. The excitement in the pit was semi adorable. So many people saying, "I've never BEEN this close! He's right THERE!!!" It was sweet, and I love how happy they were. I'm getting grinny just thinking about it.

Opening with Proudest Monkey was perfect, in my opinion. We were all hot, we were sweaty, and it seemed that the breeze kicked in as the band started playing. There was a collective sigh on that one.

Satellite was good. It seemed like it went on a verse too long? I'm not complaining about the length, I'm saying that when my brain thought it was done, it kept going. I could be wrong.

Stay or Leave....one of the best songs ever written. I don't know why it wasn't a single when Some Devil was released. It is beautiful, and last night, it hit my heart. I'm wondering, though, why Dave growls so much lately. When he sang "Remember we used to dance," it seemed painful. "But you DID." Sigh. Rips my heart out, David. You're so damn good at writing songs.

I was so happy when they started Sweet Up And Down. I jumped a little, maybe squealed....then I swiftly got embarrassed about my reaction. What? Seriously. It was stupid. I feel self conscious. I want to look cool, or something? It ruined the song for me. Plus, the band was laughing about something, and I immediately thought, "Oh no! Its me! They're laughing at me!" If they were, not cool. I'm just a fan loving their music and throwing my money at them. If they weren't (more probable), I'm lame. Actually, either way, I'm lame. Such a sensitive girl. You gotta keep an eye on me.

I heard Write a Song, which has a special place in my heart. I'm sure it has a special place in bunches of hearts, but I kind of believe that my special place is better than everyone else's. More equipped to house such a song, if you will.

During the show, Dave and Stefan were sure to interact with fans. Reading signs, smiling, talking to people, whatevs. The reason so many people love this band is because of that.

I used to love going to the shows because, frankly, it felt marvelous when Dave would look over and smile hello. I think there is residual happiness now. It lingers the most when I first walk in, when they first walk on the stage and when I get a small glance. I'm sad for the smiles I don't get, but happy for the girls experiencing their first. I had a whole summer of awesome. I can deal with it, though. I like the residual happies enough to show up and dance.

Things I want to scream sometimes

Let's all flock to my blog and check out the newest haps!

That Marilyn Monroe "quote" you're sporting was probably made up by someone else! Someone sassy, yes, but not her!

My foot itches!

Where's the jam!? I'm always searching for jelly!

Stop barking!

I love my favorite band!

I need money or tickets to go see my favorite band!

I'm scared to move to Seattle all alone!

Don't tell me about the rain in Seattle! I've been there like 14 times!

Why don't I have one book in my house that i haven't read yet?!

I'm happy I'm going to see friends this week!

I don't want to yell anymore!!!

SO FUNNY!

Voice of Jenny Slate from SNL.

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

Bright Lights, Big City

My travels to Las Vegas:

Stuffing suitcases in the trunk

In a cabana at Beach Club.

Big fat awesome sundae at Serendipity

 Walking around

Hard Rock Hotel. Next time, I'm staying there. We spent a couple hours loving up on the memorabilia.

Driving home.

All in all, a wonderful trip.

Guys, I'm not kidding.

I have stayed away from Soda this past weekend/week, and have stayed, consistently, 3 lbs lighter.

Also, I cut bangs. If you haven't been to facebook lately, here is a picture of them. It's the only one I've taken so far. Yes, I did my makeup so that my face would look alright even if people didn't like my hair. I like to take precautions sometimes.

In 3 days, I will be on my way to Las Vegas with Priscilla.

My car battery died the other day, but it is fixed now, along with my brakes. 

Maddie got a haircut. She never understands why she gets haircuts.

I have been listening to a lot of Jenny Lewis.

I painted my nails.

The Dave Matthews Band will be here in 15 days, and I have pit tickets. That means I will be right up front, on the rail. 

The move to Seattle is in about 21 days.

That's all for now, I guess.

I've been selling things....

...and my cash in a shoebox is getting ready for a trip to Las Vegas!

When I roam to other peoples' homes

I woke up this morning to a hazy, grey sky. My first thought was, "Can I live in this while I'm in Seattle?" My second thought was, "I'll just wait for it to burn off before I start my day." I do that too much. I'm proud of myself for setting a date and making a plan to leave. There are people close to me who wish I would horde up some dollars before I go, but I can't wait anymore. 


(Please excuse me if this post is only semi-coherent. Twitter has turned me into a short burst type of writer, and it is infuriating).


I don't know what I'm expecting when I get there. People ask, and I'm not sure what to say. Formulating a plan now...


Things I expect will happen in Seattle:

1) I will be lonely


2) I will look for a job


3) I will spend time with my dad, and we will probably go to the Wild Horse Casino, or something like that, and I will win $700 again (I really expect this. Give me my positive thoughts).


4) I will see friends at the Gorge, and I will forget, for a few days, that I've never lived outside of San Jose before.


Doesn't that read like I'm 18 and going away to school or something? Sheesh, Vanessa. When I come home, I'll have a new outlook. My list will be like this:


Things I learned in Seattle:


1) Up north, they appreciate a girl whose love for her dog is rivaled only by her love for Coca-Cola.


2) I no longer have a craving for McDonald's fries. 

Short and sweet. We'll see how it goes. And yes, Cindi and Jenny, let Jill know I'm available for babysitting! ;)

       

Wedding Pictures

Here are some photos from my cousin Bev's wedding to her longtime love, Ron. I'll post more as I get them. They were so kind as to let me practice my decorating skills on their beach wedding in Carmel, and I'm thankful that they did. Here you go!

Zzzzzzzzzz.......zzzzz......zzzz????

I hope no one tells all my facebook friends that I totally lied and said I was going to bed. We all know I only said that because I felt like people would notice my "online now" insignia for too long and think me a loser. Well guess what? I am! Here is me, right now:

Does the hair in my face bother you as much as it bothers me? What about the face, in general? It's okay if that bothers you, too. I don't like to lie in bed without a fan blowing, unless winter is chilling my house out, so that's where the wayward bangs come from. I'm thinking of cutting them. Short and straight, like real bangs. Not an inch long, but just across the tops of my eyebrows, and all the way across. No part. I asked my mom what she thought of this, and she said, "Blech! No!" Soooo....I guess I'm not? I don't know.

Here is what is in my ears in those giant headphones:

I'm such a sucker for a)songs that tell a story and b) songs that mention California.

I'll try to sleep now. Please PLEASE don't tell facebook I was here so late. It will give it the wrong impression of me. Thanks, guys.

PS I'm really worried that when people see pictures of me on my blog, they think, "Man, she's really let herself go." I haven't, I swear!