Please don't go

I'm sure in a mood. I don't know what did it. Maybe its night time with no love in sight. Is that too dramatic? It exists for me (love), so don't worry. I've just become melancholy.

Maybe I've become heavy headed because I am resigning myself to something I have no desire to leave my heart to? More on that later.

I went to one of my favorite places last night...I think that, at this point, its okay to tell you all that its my favorite because I met Dave there several years ago. No, we didn't become friends, but when he says, "Its so good to be in the building," a few times a night, I can't help but hope he remembers a younger girl asking for a picture with him. The way he said, "I'd love to," was so convincing, but I also sensed a disappointment that I took such an unoriginal route. I stared, wondering how that glitter got on his cheek, until I realized it was the light shining on his whiskers. Then I realized that I had been staring at the man from less than a foot away. Sheesh. Did you know that we were around each other for hours that night, and I was too shy to talk with him? Things would be different now, though there would be tons of blushing on my end. I can't help it. I blush when I talk. I will tell you that I will never run away from his hand on my arm ever again.

Oh, the set. It was beautiful. Last Stop opener. I took a friend who had never been, and I told her, "This is a flip your shit kind of moment." She was overwhelmed with the enthusiasm. She loved it. It was quite a jammy show with Jimi Thing, #41, Crush and Seek Up all in the mix, and Kavita was surprised when she went pee and came back all to the tune of one song. Lucky girl! Not many experience that sort of thing. Or something? 

My highlights were every single song, plus making up (from the people on stage) a list, in order, of who we would like to......take to dinner. Kavita and I have the same list. I didn't get mad. Friends share number ones.

There seemed to be a lot of magic working in my favor. Our seats were on the verrrrry very stage leftermost aisle, but there were two open seats almost on the inside aisle that we moved into. We were about 10th row, right in my sweet spot. Being front row has its perks, but loving the band feels just as good from 10th row. Felt even better last night, actually. Gosh, I love that man...I mean BAND. I love the BAND. The whole thing, with Dave at the number one top of my onstage dinner list.

Stay or Leave did it again. So beautiful. How was Dave's voice even better last night? It sounded perfect. Just great. Oh my gosh, I love that song. I love that, because of my lucky experiences, I relate lines in songs not to my experiences outside the band, but to whatever I've had while I'm at a show. It becomes a self contained reality, but it is so real. Dave reminds me of no one but Dave. I suspect it will always stay that way. I am so lucky. There was no growly bear voice this time...I noticed. "Remember we used to dance, and everyone wanted to be you and me? I want to be too...What day is this, besides the day you left me?" Makes one want to weep.

The good thing about 10th row is that it seems like all you want to happen is happening, and you're far enough away to be convinced you're right. 

The two guys next to me were pumped city about the set, but didn't seem to realize that the band released an album in 2009. After Time Bomb, he turned to me and said, "WHAT was that?!?!" He was so excited. I told him about the album. His friend kept betting me $25,000 that he knew what song was next, and I should have taken him up on it since they didn't even know Big Whiskey existed. I could have made a killing and been able to get to the Gorge.

Did I tell you my car broke twice and I spent $400 I don't have on it? I did. Life is rough sometimes, but it could be rougher. 

This show will be my last for 2 years. I WANT anyone who needs time off to have time off, I just don't want them to forget us. I'm not worried that they won't come back, I just want them to remember. I'm so sad that I can't for sure be where I want to be this summer. It's my own fault, or so I've been told.This may seem melodramatic to some, and some may tell me that when I have my own family, this band won't matter as much, but in true Vanessa fashion, I won't believe that until I learn it for myself. Because that just seems nuts.


I don't want them to go. I never want anyone I love to be gone for too long, because I'm here, and you'll be there, and that isn't close enough.